This is the very first Enlisted Money Confession, and we know you’ll be very interested to hear this story! Remember, we’re a community who shares our successes and struggles so we can all learn together. Be sure to read all the way to the end where we’ll discuss the “Dairy Land Divorcee’s” story and teachable moments we can apply to our own lives.
Here’s their story:
20-Years and No Savings
I am an over 20-year veteran of active federal service and other than having my high-3 retirement pension, I have zero long term retirement savings. If you were to have a conversation with me about it, I could give you a laundry list of excuses for putting myself in this situation, but I will just list a few to spare you from my pity party.
Single-Parent Home in the “Dairy Land”
I was raised in a single parent household in a small town in the heart of “America’s Dairy Land”! My mom is a high school dropout and my dad passed away when I was very young. After his passing, his parents used the money from the sale of the family farm to buy my mom a house to raise my sister and me. That was a great start and a blessing for us long term, but that didn’t solve the problems generated from low income positions that she was forced into by her lack of education.
Fast forward a decade and a half and we now have a single parent home with 5 kids and an income generating parent that can only find retail work. I know that a great number of people can empathize with this situation, so I won’t belabor it. My mother didn’t generate a lot of money, and the men that fathered my younger siblings were not the best male role models for lack of a better phrase.
Money was always an issue, but we stayed just above the poverty line. So we still had things, but money was not a discussion – especially in terms of long-term measures.
Financial Education Wasn’t Readily Available
The American education system has not emphasized saving and retirement money planning either. So, I just grew up oblivious to the importance of saving for long term goals and retirement.
When I joined the military in 2003 there was no such thing as “enlisted money”, and I was older than the average Private so many of the required first term things weren’t a requirement for me. Couple that with my upbringing and marriage to another money illiterate woman, and the perfect storm was born.
Splitting More than the Marriage
So long story long, and here I am divorced, with 20 years of service, and I now have to split my retirement with my ex-wife and attempt to now generate more income than I ever thought I would need. I needed better financial literacy much sooner in life than I had, and now I can promise you that I will never recover from my mistakes in life to the extent that I can afford the quality of life I want for myself.
Talk to Your Troops About Money
The moral of my story is that we must improve our connections with our junior enlisted military members and put financial resources front and center in their careers. That’s not to say that money is the all-important thing, but they need to know the consequences of not investing in themselves and their long-term future.
***Break***
Enlisted Money Response
First, we are so thankful and humbled you shared this powerful story with us! There’s a lot to unpack here, but we’ll briefly touch on each piece. Over the span of a lifetime, we can accumulate a lot of regrets. We hope you find a way to forgive yourself, heal, and push forward toward freedom.
If we could only tell you one thing, we’d say this: It’s never too late to improve your financial situation. It sounds like you’re taking action now (being on a financial education website is a good start). No matter where you are now financially, you can gain financial freedom. It might not be easy, but it’s worth it in the end.
Early Childhood and Forming Money Scripts and Habits
We’re very sorry to hear about the early passing of your father. The fact that your family came together and made difficult choices shows resilience. Selling the farm must have been a hard choice, but it gave some type of footing for you and your family. We can’t choose what situation we’re born into.
These experiences can have a profound impact on how we view the world – and how we interact with money. We can only imagine there were some difficulties growing up living on one income with five kids in the household. We all know the retail sector isn’t exactly known for paying high wages either.
It’s entirely possible you never saw money being saved because there wasn’t anything left to save.
Lack of Money Education
We just don’t know what we don’t know. It’s also pretty hard to learn how to manage money if there’s no money to manage. We’re not shocked to hear that you weren’t taught much in school either.
Also, if your initial briefings after joining were anything like ours, you probably can’t even remember them. We seem to remember being told we needed to fill out our direct deposit form and we wouldn’t get paid for about a month as the paperwork was processed.
Oh yeah, they gave us an advance on our pay to buy running shoes and toothpaste as well. I mean, does anyone remember all the information they shove at you in the first weeks of service? I doubt it.
Spouse Didn’t Have Money Literacy Either
When you don’t have money literacy, and neither does your spouse, it’s pretty difficult to get any financial traction. Once again, this isn’t always something you can control. We feel it’s important to talk about money with your partner though.
Money isn’t everything, but it does affect almost every aspect of our lives – including our relationships. When our values, feelings, and habits around money clash, it can mean real trouble. Getting on the same page and communicating is going to be key to financial success together.
Divorce and Splitting the Retirement Check
We genuinely feel for the “Dairy Land Divorcee”. Divorce is not a fun process to go through regardless. We can only imagine how frustrating it will be to send half your retirement check to your ex-spouse.
Making it to 20 years is no easy feat. Many service members who do retire need that money to live on. We’d suspect splitting the reward for over two decades of service and sacrifice is a real punch in the gut.
If you are going through a divorce, just know that splitting you retirement isn’t a rule, it’s an option. It’s all finalized through the legal process. My friend Kate Horrell wrote an article on divorce explaining some of the different things you need to consider for divorce in the military.
Talk to Your Troops About Money and Resources
We couldn’t agree more! Enlisted Money is committed to helping enlisted service members be in control of their own financial destiny. Here’s some of our favorite resources related to this story.
Military OneSource
Military OneSource is probably the single best program the DoD has. If you’re ever looking for a resource, Military OneSource is a great place to start.
Free Marriage Counseling Off-Base
Military OneSource offers free counseling sessions through approved providers. We’ve used this to get marriage counseling and it’s made our marriage so much better! If you and your partner aren’t getting along, don’t be embarrassed about it or suffer in silence. Call Military OneSource and get a counselor to give you a third perspective on things. It will help.
Free Financial Counseling
Military OneSource can also help you find the nearest financial counselor on base. Whether that’s at the Fleet and Family Center, Army Community Services, or other similar service centers, you probably have access to a financial counselor.
Resources for Advanced Advice
For more detailed analysis on the specifics on building a roadmap to success, check out a financial planner through the Military Financial Advisor Association (MFAA). We’ve personally met and spoken with most of the members. They’re genuinely great people who truly put the people they serve first!
Send Enlisted Money a Question
We’re here to help. We weren’t born with money or taught about money either. However, we’ve since read dozens, if not hundreds of books on personal finance, gained an education in financial planning, and committed ourselves to financial education. Feel free to send us an email at:
questions@enlistedmoney.com
Final Thoughts
What an incredible story! Although the Dairy Land Divorcee seems to highlight a lot of the negative aspects, they’ve actually accomplished a lot with what they were handed. Coming from a single-parent household barely above the poverty line and then serving 20 years in the military is nothing to shake a stick at.
Even if they have to split their retirement check with their ex, that’s still a pretty significant benefit that very few service members ever earn. If nothing else, we can tell this service member doesn’t quit easily. That drive and dedication will definitely help them on their journey to financial freedom and independence.
Action Items for the Dairy Land Divorcee
The mission ahead of you is no different than anything else you’ve accomplished in the military. Make a goal, break it up into smaller pieces, and then execute!
Apply the Enlisted Freedom Framework
If you already have a plan of action, great. If not, and even if you do, consider the Enlisted Freedom Framework: Start, Automate, Coast.
Start
If you haven’t already, get a detailed snapshot of where you are financially. Make a list of all your debts. Record all your assets. Calculate your net worth and record it. Then get to work.
Automate
Whether it’s paying down debt or saving for retirement, automate all the positive actions you can. Set your TSP contributions, set a reminder for you to make an extra payment on your car note, or whatever else you need to do. You want to make it as easy as possible for you to win with money.
Coast
Once you’ve got everything under control and on auto-track, all you have to do is keep going. You’ll need to make some adjustments along the way, but those should be minimal at this point. Just keep saving.
You’re Going to Be Okay
Your financial situation might not look like you want it to right now, but you’re in a great position to make one hell of a comeback story. We can’t wait to hear your updated Enlisted Financial Success Story in the future!
Once again, thanks so much for sharing!